Martin, my Danish friend

The Danish. To the untrained eye – a bizarre mix between a normal human and a Norwegian. But if you ever study them or come really close to them you will slowly start to understand what goes on in their twisted minds and how to interpret their behavior.

Getting close to them is not easy – but here I will give you some inside info and helpful tips. Here behind the bar in Trysil I have many Danish guests, and I have also had the lucky chance of studying them very closely under a six weeks vacation in Africa that I spent with a Danish family.

Danish alcohol

The first step to making contact can be to distract them by buying them a shot of alcohol, or giving them a cigarette. This will lower their guard as these items are considered very valuable to the Danish people. To keep the conversation going and understanding more about this race, just keep refilling their bloodstream with alcoholic liquids from time to time. If you sense that they are becoming hungry, make sure you have some hot dogs, preferably of the thicker German models like bratwurst, close at hand.

When I first started working here in Trysil I was very confused why many of my Danish customers, from young kids to old men, asked me:

“-Har du bånge?”
In translation to Swedish and Norwegian, that means: “Do you have a hard-on?”
Yesterday I finally asked a Danish customer why they seem so interested in knowing about my supposed hard on? As it turns out, bånge (hard-on) is the Danish word for reciept! They simply wanted the reciept after a purchase in the bar. Turns out there is more perverted words that are used as normal language by the Danes..

Sofia

I have a friend and former bartender colleague by the name of Sofia. She has for a few years been living under cover in Denmark. She has successfully infiltrated them by the use of a Danish fiancé – a smart move! When I told her about the questions of my hard-on, she revealed even more. In her words:
“Everything in the Danish language is related to sex.. When we drink something, and the liquid makes a sound, in Swedish it’s called “klunk”. In Danish,  that word means testicle.  The Swedish word for crazy, “knäpp”, means fuck in Danish. “Kusse” which is short for cousin, means cunt in Danish…..”